What is love? My story...

I often find myself eyeing a girl and thinking to myself: Daaaaayum she's prettttaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!! (sometimes even guys) And sometimes I feel that strong attraction to that girl, a feeling we call a crush. I don't know if it's puberty or not, but this feeling is so strong! I write songs, write poems, I 'cant get that person out of my head and I think I'm in love, after a week the feeling passes by and I'm back to a basic crush. Then I think to myself, how do I reckognise love and how do I make sure I really feel it towards that person? Honestly I don't know It's really a difficult subject, just because a lot of people express and feel love differently. It's mostly chemicals in your brains reacting and that makes you as happy as a cow who grew wings. Some people thinks it's also a soul bond, that you feel connected with that person with more than chemistry, but even if you understand what's happening, not always you can react the right way. All of us understand a lot of things but still might do the wrong thing, for example: Smoking is bad, most people know that but still smoke. And with love you might get tricked into thinking you love that person or do some crazy shit when you are. Personally I think I fell in love once in my life, and I got tricked too many to count... I can't really tell the difference it's just so much happiness exploding everywhere but the only thing i found out that makes love better, is that you feel it over and over again. Love is jumping through emotions constantly happy/sad and you get those crush feelings a lot when you are with your special one. Like one time I had a huge crush, I had butterflies in my stumich... MAN! I went crazy over that girl, after a week I forgot about her, but as I said everyone understands it differently. Let me tell you the story of me meeting the girl I think I do love till now and she is the dearest friend I have... We met in summer camp. It was a camp for creative people, I think it was about readying us to get started on our own. I arrived there first with some guys I didn't know, people were coming and we were all sitting next to the table and sitting silently, so I started talking and making jokes, to make people feel more comfortable around each and everyone. People kept coming and coming, and then... She walked in! I was stunned, I was in a shock because I found her extremely attractive. I greeted her like i greeted all of the people coming in to the room where we were sitting in. The people who had to care for us were Monica(made-up name) and Thomas (made-up name) they told us the ground rules gave us textbooks to write our ideas in and let us all get to know each other better we had a whole day to talk to each and everyone and I tried to spend as much time as I can with her. Of course I tried to be less annoying as I can and I think it worked, the both of us were looking at each other a lot and she smiled, so I felt so good when it did happen, but she mostly did it because she took me as a clown mostly. Then we were about to make a presentation, we were supposed to present each other to everyone and show our ,,special talent" I had no talent so I just screamed a lil' bit and warmed the stage up for a guy with actual musical talent. When she walked up the stage I didn't actually expect much, then... Then she started to sing, I WAS IN SHOCK, I WAS IN COMPLETE SHOCK!!! Her voice was so amazing it took control of me, I actually teared up, I never thought I could meet someone my age with that kind of voice, and it was truly magical. When she finished the song everyone started clapping, I stood up and even wiped my tear of, she was so surprised she smiled at me too, at that moment I noticed her and she noticed me and I think we both knew we will become friends. That evening we started talking and I made a joke about the ALPHA-MALE and how he gets the women, I told her how to be the ALPHA-MALE and I said the woman has to grab your leg, you have to make her want ya! She said: So show me. I was like: what? show you? like, you want to be the ALPHA-MALE? she said: yea, sure. And then I took her leg and her friend responded with: Hey Alice(made-up name) you want me to tell David(made-up name) about this? I was like: what? nooo... This can't mean.. I felt a minor shock, I was almost dead, at least in my emotional region. But I thought to myself, there's no problem with being friends, right? All of the campers had to meet up next to the fire and eat marshmallows, I asked her: Hey, wanna go to the wooden tree-house in the other side of the camp? She said: heck yea! We took a run for it and went there, we spent a good hour talking to each other and opening up. She said she never imagined meeting a guy like me, said I was special. Then I saw Thomas come and he told us we were in trouble, I asked why. Then he told us why... And I remembered that we are supposed to tell them when we want to cross the road to the other side of the camp which we didn't do. I talked to Thomas and Monica and they said it's fine, but next time we must tell them about it. Monica said: If there is chemistry involved in this, it's beautiful but still you have to tell us. I responded with a tough: Maybe there is, but she got her chemistry on someone else already. Then we said goodbye to each other. For the whole night I kept thinking about her, I couldn't sleep, she was in my head and I was going crazy, eventually around 3 in the night I went to sleep, fun fact we had to wake up at 8 in the morning :) The 2nd day came and we started working I tried to get as close as I can to her boosting up her confidence and trying to be a good friend, we got split into groups to make songs and of course i got in a group with Alice, I was so happy I couldn't even tell, I also made friends with all the girls in the camp that talked to Alice so I had my ,,Spies" talking to her and giving me information hehehe. So I wrote a song about pasta wanting to be in a shoe but the pasta already had the plate so it couldn't be with a shoe, even though the pasta wanted it. So basically the song was about me, Alice and Thomas. We spent the day working and talking to each other, then when I told her what the song is about she and a friend of mine looked at each other and were like: shieeee... Honestly I expected a reaction some what like that :DD So after we preformed the song, everyone was at the campsite again, we asked for permission and ran to the tree-house again, and we spent around half an hour there, we talked about life again and when we got back, I kept looking at her amazing smile and we always switched looks and she would attack me with that amazing smile. We were walking back to the houses and I said while laughing so she doesn't take me seriously: By the way Alice, I couldn't sleep last night, I don't know why but I couldn't get you out of my head! She responded with: me too :D I was constantly thinking about what we were talking about. I was so happy, I knew something is going on, something more than ,,just friends" might become out of us, even my friends at my house said I have a chance, that night I wrote a poem to her in my textbook, also it was really hard because it was dark and I used my flashlight, also while trying to not wake everyone up. I started writing a long text to her called: 1000 words to Alice. I wrote around 400 words and went to sleep. The 3rd day this day we had to work a lot, so we didn't spend a lot of time together, we had to form groups so for the whole day I was talking with her friends and Philip((made-up name) a guy I was in a group with) we had to prepare a rap song so it took us some time to find the music and actually write the lyrics, I felt our connection getting stronger and stronger every time our eyes connected, I was really going crazy for her. We performed the songs and we had movie night, but me and Alice were not interested so I suggested to take a walk around the forest and she accepted. So we spent a good hour and a half talking together and I actually kept showing her my textbook for a brief moment to annoy her, because she wanted to see what I write, she was really interested she asked: Is it about me, I responded with a fast: No, what? of course not! But at that moment I got it to my head, yea she probably knows I like her already, so we got back to the movie, talked to friends and went to sleep, I kept writing the 1000 words. 4th day we started working in new groups to build a musical, we did some bond building exercises and started working, I tried to spend as much time as I can with her, but I couldn't stop the progress of our work, so I didn't find much time, my friend Philip asked her if I like her ( I really don't get why ) she said: I hope not, like, I have a boyfriend! Then he told me.. MAN! I was giving up at that moment I thought is it even worth trying? hell nah. But the friends said I really do have a chance and it kept my will stronger, then we went on an expedition around the forest and the villages around, to see the neat neature :D We talked about life again and I really enjoyed every moment of it. We got back and I kept writing the 1000 words. 5th day, This day was made to kind of relax and work on our musicals because on the 7th day we have to preform them to our parents so the 6th day will be: work, work, work! So I knew It's now or never, we worked on the musical and in the evening I finished writing the 1000 words. Suddenly I didn't want to do it, I thought, it wont happen anyway I don't have a chance, but maybe it's worth it to at least you know, say it? Her friends tried to convince me, every time she looked at me and I looked at her, she smiled with that amazing smile every time and we made eye contact frequently. I still didn't feel confident enough. OK so every evening a guest arrived to our camp to talk what do they do and how did they start and tried to give us suggestions, I always knew the guy as a philosophical guy, I explained him the situation and he said: Man, you have to tell her, it's now or never and who knows maybe she likes you too, just don't do anything with her that's BAD KARMA, you can't build a house on another man's land. I don't know how and why, but his words inspired me and I was ready to tell her how I felt. So we walked a little bit away from the other people and it was it, I was ready to tell her how I felt! She read the poem, and turned to the 1000 words, I said: STOP! Because everything you will read there, I will say right now. I expressed every little bit of the feelings I had and she said that I'm the most amazing guy she had ever met, but she can't do anything because she has a boyfriend. She said she likes me too, but she just can't leave a guy for a guy. But I understood her, I tried to man up and said to myself: If she's happy... I'm happy... That is love to me... No matter how hard it is, and you don't get what you want, if you truly love a person so much you could do anything for that person, you can be happy for that person. Also I knew she cared for me, that warmed my heart and I tried to be less sad as I can, for her. I still love her to this day, and if you want more about the story write it in the comments, because there is more to tell. Please leave some feedback, it would help.